http://www.thisisalovestory.net/avignon-gallery daily 0.75 2023-02-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462809769300-DHYNM99OVR1LQSP4O35J/ML_OSI_001.JPG Avignon Gallery - Ben arrives from Iraq March 19, 2008 | Ben: THIS IS YOUR BLOOD! THIS IS YOUR LIFE! This isn’t anything you make art with, THAT’S SICK! This is your friends, your family, your children, your future! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?!?! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462809769300-DHYNM99OVR1LQSP4O35J/ML_OSI_001.JPG Avignon Gallery - Ben arrives from Iraq March 19, 2008 | Ben: THIS IS YOUR BLOOD! THIS IS YOUR LIFE! This isn’t anything you make art with, THAT’S SICK! This is your friends, your family, your children, your future! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?!?! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462809769269-9NT96LQEJA886TSMYEQ0/ML_OSI_002.JPG Avignon Gallery - On phone with J.R. March 15, 2008 Harlem, NY | It should have been my hand he was holding, my skin on his, my face he saw last. He was volatile but on his good days, he adored me. I was his youngest. They say he was a horrible man but I at least owed him my presence on his deathbed because he was my father. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462809769777-ZOPQ1OPTA18D8KFFT6X8/ML_OSI_003.jpg Avignon Gallery - Doctor advises Ben to admit me to the hospital Ben: You know what the biggest insult is? That I’m always around death... people who—all they want to do is live, and here you are, just wanting to quit! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464150620583-096FH94SZRE8D3FRAI3H/ML_OSI_004.JPG Avignon Gallery - Distortion I keep telling him it doesn’t hurt and he just looks at me like he’s staring at someone else, a stranger. Maybe he’s better off… https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464150554708-KE2QDQ0FCBKIHSJ97GBL/Marvi_Journal_022.jpg Avignon Gallery - Day 3 at Clark 8 March 21, 2008 | Shabbat dinner no pens, no pencils no battery operated candles. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462809770081-0M646ORPZ502CLJDTB2L/ML_OSI_005.JPG Avignon Gallery - From a mother's perspective EMT on their way. Ma splashing water at me to wake me. Wish they didn’t overreact. This wasn’t an attempt. I just wanted my heart to stop beating so fast. I wanted to breathe. Sleep. Ben is going to be so mad. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462809770268-VA14PUPJUY0DM2BAJZK7/ML_OSI_006.jpg Avignon Gallery - Vigil He won’t let up. Won’t stop following me wherever I go. No locked doors. No closed doors—not the bedroom, not the office, not even the bathroom. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462809770597-3LN4OOWAWDMO1A1GAFCW/ML_OSI_008.jpg Avignon Gallery - Spud It’s as if he senses that things aren’t what they used to be. He won’t ask to be walked, won’t bark for food, won’t nudge me for his ball. He’ll just sit there watching my face. And when the tears come, he’ll slowly inch toward me and rest his little head on my neck, his muzzle bobbing as I heave. I just want to sleep. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462809771600-3IM3QHVH6OCKMXCX2XKX/ML_OSI_012.jpg Avignon Gallery - Guilt, Shame On my way down from Broadway, three blocks from where I first met Tennessee, laid a dead yearling. It’s as if I’m just now realizing that not everyone is going to pull out of this the same way. I had to finally admit to myself that not everyone is salvageable. Call it fate or circumstance but some of us are bound to survive and some, despite their best efforts, will perish. I realize now that it was guilt all along. I feel guilty for being fine when he obviously wasn’t. I’m afraid for him but in all honesty, I think I’m more afraid of ending up like him. That part is even harder to swallow. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464150568602-B6GT37JPLVHVIEVPYY9Z/Marvi_Journal_027.jpg Avignon Gallery - The residents talk to us like we're children March 22, 2008 Clark 8 Expressive Writing Group "Time is all I'm ever going to miss." - Patient G. http://www.thisisalovestory.net/bonetiredmama-gallery daily 0.75 2016-05-25 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464150959598-WSVR0XOO12NVP5AU9TKT/_1000732BW.jpg Bonetiredmama Gallery - Mateo & Morning Warmth https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462825202777-FZ3IEQZXO9JQVCJ61EDM/_1000732BW.jpg Bonetiredmama Gallery - Mateo & Morning Warmth https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464150982416-DUYW5GL9KJ53548YM6XG/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0003.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Mateo, 2, Fall, Brooklyn I see you Mateo. I finally see you. Post PPD. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151000642-080LWN1NPFDF74NVUXXA/IMG_8653.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Cyborg & Sun Mateo, 6 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462812599767-ETTMCRN3G10NXGNCISLG/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0020.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151021404-OP36GLZETQE8JCKTEN0L/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0017.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Mateo, Bathtime, Doodles https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151038829-W4IH3AXMT0M57A0FIOE1/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0002.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Ode to Leibowitz & Whoopi https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462812595627-A55SZSMZ3VTND2IOIO62/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0002.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Ode to Leibowitz & Whoopi https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462812596793-H3EVUXNV029YARZKXNQ6/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0006.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151059270-X6GG4DETBQVDE4NKUQX9/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0005.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Mateo, Superheroes, Lipstick https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151076591-QEQZUYREC926I7OAJ4CL/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0021.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - KK, Cheerios, Hunger https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464063794657-Y84EYV94C8Z9UBBWKY0Z/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0014.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151096638-0TRRF4BK6I77IU3IQLL5/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0013.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - KK, Poop-time Games https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151117612-F70FH4381QO9YCCESYCE/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0010.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - KK & Spud, Rainy Day, Brooklyn https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462812597990-0REPWWC5DCNHGG5AJLTW/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0011.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151134899-RYOW58XQX3KHYG2LL9N8/IMG_0746.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Father & Son Mateo comforts daddy. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151156661-1FVZ1KDSISKPP0774X3R/IMG_8845.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Father & Son Daddy comforts Mateo. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151178843-E0YZ6TPLVXHB1R27RKIR/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0038.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Father & Son "Daddy, can I have the cool dude hair?" https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462812599111-1JG7RF7Z1KVIUWMYELE7/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0018.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151194360-BXNGYDXT8SI529JI5BTV/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0009.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - KK, Bath, Solitude, Daydreams https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151205554-G98VLQFBF8WCUFIS67OQ/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0023.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - KK, Naptime, Captain America & Wolverine https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151222400-H35VLLC879YDFHXIAK2M/IMG_9151.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - KK, Goodnight https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462812603422-CPHHGZIFBD28ECSAQI7V/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0034.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151240042-0O8RZ30CH0EHE8U3LOTM/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0008.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - KK, Stick, Summer, Imagination https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151306956-7E2BYUGI37G91CD6N6EX/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0028.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Mateo, Halloween, Iron Man https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151327776-F374S6QNV7R9LG6U8LOL/IMG_0140.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - KK, Power Rangers, Sleep No More https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462812602155-U1Q9KXHROYQ2GDNJ0ZX5/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0029.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151347458-VOIX3AN21DZPZB0ZWTRH/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0024.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Parenting from Afar Working moms love technology. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151466511-6IVOC3CL3T4XPWRVCS1Z/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0030.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - I. See. You. I can't remember exactly when it happened, but the fog did lift. I started staring at my son longer. I would be overcome by a warmth that started in my chest and radiated as a knot in my throat and into a kind of breathlessness emanating from the pit in my stomach. I love him! Overwhelmed and mostly, relieved... https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151485949-HT3CXY00R0WEQOFWAAMD/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0036.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Mateo, Summer, Hikes https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1462812604013-28JQASTYBA3BGOOVKCEY/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0037.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151500297-A8HP0PVEHA9SR8NYOO53/IMG_0734.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Mateo, Bathtime, Defiance "You just don't want me to be a ninja!! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151514716-IM2OT3LTILB7OGSJL31Q/IMG_1073.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Mateo Grieves "Did he die?!!!" Mateo, 6, sees E.T. for the first time. 4/16/16   https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464101028830-RK7I24M5OSTF6C3YV7GB/20141105_bonetiredmama.jpg Bonetiredmama Gallery https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151528011-GUWAXPSELUCJ1IYMHTPA/IMG_0349.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Ode to Meike Van Schijndel & Mark Peterson First tooth. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151544925-LZN7C4MFYMQ6FJT6LGSD/20151026_DPP_Bonetiredmama_0041.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Mateo, 4 years old Yearbook smile. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464100043059-UAVRY2T2YCO3R755QGJI/20151213_bonetiredmama.jpg Bonetiredmama Gallery https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151559596-QC6GXL6T6IPH7B5B3GWB/IMG_1850.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Sadness A contrite Ben. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151573406-0Q079SCSX0U4CMCH5SFP/IMG_9765.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Frustration Vacation is no vacation. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464151586309-3N23JZB5KJ1I6YY6IRB1/IMG_8853.JPG Bonetiredmama Gallery - Aches & Pains Mateo battles the flu. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464100370128-TT26QMVQDEOHV8J8DGRW/20160522_bonetiredmama.jpg Bonetiredmama Gallery http://www.thisisalovestory.net/home daily 1.0 2013-01-30 http://www.thisisalovestory.net/avignon daily 0.75 2016-05-25 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464033876576-HDKWDNANFHIUWHNHKUMZ/20140813_MarviLacar.jpg Chapter 1 http://www.thisisalovestory.net/bonetiredmama daily 0.75 2019-09-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464033876576-HDKWDNANFHIUWHNHKUMZ/20140813_MarviLacar.jpg Chapter 2 http://www.thisisalovestory.net/papa daily 0.75 2024-10-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464033876576-HDKWDNANFHIUWHNHKUMZ/20140813_MarviLacar.jpg Death I http://www.thisisalovestory.net/wheat daily 0.75 2017-01-04 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464033876576-HDKWDNANFHIUWHNHKUMZ/20140813_MarviLacar.jpg Death II http://www.thisisalovestory.net/why daily 0.75 2020-04-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1588086601472-SYFEXJ27HBFRMV2588UC/Logo_AlphaFemale.jpg Why? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464150482227-8HMEHG94H5A3NUU6R3GU/image-asset.png Why? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5730973d2fe131e2fe8fe688/1464150455477-TOW37BPSLFH24QCOLD1K/image-asset.png Why? http://www.thisisalovestory.net/tedx daily 0.75 2020-04-29